If you have been following my blog posts for a while, you know by now that I get inspiration from my own life. I don't have any planned schedule of what the topic for the day will be, I write what I feel needs to be written. Sometimes I write about my own experiences with abuse, both as it has impacted me as well as my children. Sometimes I comment on stories I have come across or an issue that I feel needs to be highlighted. Other times it is just about what has happened to me that day. Being a survivor of Domestic Violence and a part of this website isn't glamorous, my life is like so many others' lives, I pay the bills (usually) and do my best to put nutritious food on the table - I struggle with stomach flu and flat tires, irritating people and challenging situations - my aim is that by putting myself out there a little, I can hopefully help others not to feel so alone.
So today I've got news for everyone... yes, I can sense you all sitting a little closer to the edge of your seats... I went back to work. OK, not the most staggering news for many but for me, well it is the culmination of two and a half years of angst.
I went back on Monday of this week, for a whopping four hours. They call it 'work hardening'. The last time I saw these people I was extremely depressed and had not left my abusive marriage, in fact I had not even come to terms yet with the fact that I was a victim of Domestic Violence. I left because I could no longer cope with the stress of the job, the long hours and the situation that had been unfolding at home. My eldest daughter was at a residential treatment facility in Utah at the time and I was still reeling with everything to do with getting her the help that she needed. When I left I was a mess. I was completely incapable of regulating my emotions and in fact I cried my whole last night shift. But that was then and this is now.
I walked through those double doors on Monday morning a new woman. I mean a NEW woman.
For all my fears over the last couple of years, of whether or not I could do it anymore (and yes, I have written about that here too), I was able to do what I didn't think I could ever do again. And you know what? I needed to do it when I was ready. I needed to be at the right point in my life to do it, when I was ready not when someone else thought I should be ready. I walked through those doors, not timid, afraid of the reception I would get, I walked through a survivor. I tell you, I held my head high and I felt like a million bucks.
OK, so I have gained about thirty pounds, so nobody actually recognized me at first lol ... but when they did... hugs, smiles, more hugs, laughter - good stuff.
I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. I have had my life turned upside down, I've been chased, intimidated, scared half to death, put down, humiliated and I've cried more than I ever thought was possible. I have been brave for myself and courageous for my children. I have stood tall in the face of false accusations, police in my home and uninformed, opinionated child protection workers. I have defended myself and advocated for myself and my children and I have surprised myself at every turn. I am a survivor in the very best sense of the word and that is something of which to be proud. Anything is possible my friend, just believe in yourself.by